Day Two Back: Thurs 19th Sep

Reflecting on: Job Chapters 4 & 5

Woke up this morning listless and disinterested, reeking of shame and abandonment. 

I couldn’t stop thinking that nothing could be better than where my life was headed prior to recent events. I also had an awful sore throat thanks to the intubation, and ended up waiting on the bed for 30 mins for my teledoc to get on a call with me. Not that I minded. 

From there, all I could do was pick myself up bit by bit, task by task. 

I’ve just finished reading Job 4 and 5 about Eliphqz the Temanite, Job’s friend, who stood by him faithfully and mourned for 7 days and 7 nights. In this first dialogue with his friend, he started with praise, but followed with a long monologue of how this outcome could only be triggered by Job’s guilt and fault – and that he must accept Gods discipline to reach an old ripe age.

This is a lesson I’ve lived time and time again. Just because someone is good and puts in the work doesn’t mean that they’ll offer any wisdom or purposeful direction. In fact, they often offer the contrary: lies, deceit, and discouragement. This makes the journey even more difficult and confusing to navigate. To receive directly what is true, we must develop our own original thought and relationship with God.

I’m headed to the gym soon. Doing arms and chest today.

Renee may come over tonight to visit. It will be nice to see an old friend. 

Prayer: 

Lord Jesus, I want to begin by thanking You for the people that love me. I want to thank you for the people willing to put in the work to try to help me. Lord, give me the wisdom to know who I should let in and how much I should let them in. Give me the humility to manage this well. Lord, most of all, help me to hear your voice and to discern your truth. Open the eyes of my heart Lord, I desire you and to be in constant communion with you.