Day Fourteen Back: Thurs 3rd Oct

Reflecting on Job: Chapters 40, 41

For the last two years, I took my life into my own hands. 

After being neglected in times of need in my ministry, and in complete emotional impoverishment, I totally changed how I approached life. I found people who would fully support me, who were fiercely loyal, and surrounded myself with them. I created an island where I was the supreme overlord. I had no trust for people, including those closest to me who only had only proven to be completely devoted. Most of all, I had no trust in myself. I’d traded a free life in Christ for something that I felt could keep me safe. It blew up in my face. 

In Job 40 and 41, God refers to Job as the “fault finder”. He says, “Shall the fault finder contend with the almighty?” Immediately, Job promises to be silent before God. God then challenges Job to “dress for action like a man”, because He was about to question him. God addresses Job’s questions and tells him that he’s been overextending his judgment when connecting the suffering he endured with the Lord’s just governance of the world. Here, God is telling Job that it has nothing to do with His judgment. He is a just God. Of course, Job never denied God being just – he was simply confused, and didn’t understand why these tragedies had happened to him. 

God then specifically questions how Job sought to defend his integrity, which implied that it was God who was acting out of accord with His own character. In doing so, Job spoke beyond his knowledge of power or level of understanding. 

Bad things happen, and the worst thing we can do is to have a certainty as to why these things occurred. All we can do is look to Him, and to find our peace and certainty in his character and just governance. 

I was never blameless like Job, but a great many unfair and troubling things have happened through my ministry, which I stepped down from 2 years ago. When I wanted to rest and recuperate, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, a mental plague that can enslave you through traumatic experiences. Despite going into therapy, I only seemed to get worse as I found more and more of the world to blame. I’ve been living my life in fear and with my defences up, and as a result I became faithless and guarded. 

Can we recognize God’s voice when He says, “Dress for action like a man, I will question you and you will make it known to me”? 

I think I’ve heard it. Now, the only way out of my grief, my only saving grace keeping me from the next successful attempt, is immersing myself totally in Him and depending on Him. 

Prayer: 

Thank You Lord that even when your words are hard, it is meant for our good. I would like to ask for forgiveness for taking matters into my own hands and for idolizing friendship and partnership. You are the one I look to and depend on. Thank You for finding me and helping me see the truth. I was stuck, and now I am at the beginning of freedom. Help me to walk in that, true to You and Your purpose for my life. Thank You, my King.